Brought up by my good Aunt Derange,
Swapping offspring didn’t seem strange.
But then, before I puzzled the muddle,
I was happier giving my sister a cuddle.
Now I’m not sure who she is
(Though her name’s the same: Liz).
How does she fit in this family,
At least in relation to me?
That is the question I mean –
For how am I supposed to see
If she’s this or that or inbetween?
I found out the confusing truth
From our next door neighbour, Ruth –
Who was in fact my mother’s aunt
Before she was her prodigal sister.
(An aunt who’s a sister? She can’t!)
And if that hasn’t made your brain blister,
My cousin Robert’s really my brother,
And Aunt Derange is not even his mother.
What next I wonder? Am I my own cousin?
Were we part of a litter numbering three dozen?
Is the fish really ours? (What other option?)
Does the gerbil just belong by adoption?
Am I a real Caucasian? Is Liz even human?
Should I still keep this name, or am I a New-man?
July 2013’s issue of Penumbra magazine will contain a short story by me. It is very funny and, like the other stories, will be based on Japanese mythology. (No, my story does not have gonad-stretching raccoon dogs in it – but it’s still funny, trust me.)