Every human being is convinced he or she is the centre of the universe. From day one, the brain is unable to cope with the idea of something being so big, and the person so tiny in comparison. So, the person creates his or her own small universe in which to live, sheltered from the huge, immeasurable space outside.

No matter how much you travel, of if you have an inferiority complex, or if someone showed you a map of the world with a tiny dot in it marked “You are here, pipsqueak,” it is still mentally impossible to picture how vast everything is compared to yourself. You may try, but only go so far for so long until the task seems too daunting, or you are unable to stretch your mind any futher. When this happens, you have two choices: retreat back into your shell or go mad.

Go on, try. I’ll give you five minutes. Open your mind and think about the space either side of you, above and perhaps even below you if you happen to be skydiving (though why you’re reading this falling through the air beats me.) Keep stretching yourself outwards – mentally, I mean, don’t bust a gut – and keep going. Towards the walls and the ceiling, pass those, towards the horizon, and then, er…ooh I’m going boss-eyed…argh help I’m stuck….no, no use, sorry, can’t go any further. My head aches.

3, 2, 1…Are you back with me? Yes? Not gone doollally? Good.

So now we have reached the limits of our awareness, shall we talk about something closer to home?

Never mind about being the centre of a universe, what’s at the centre of a person? Literally speaking, we have guts and all manner of stuff the likes of which we’ve seen on Casualty, but I mean is there anything else? There must be, or we would be plain animals. How do we be conscious and thinking, and conscious OF our thinking, all the time? It must be something to do with the black you see when you close your eyes. Or eye, if you happen to be a cyclops.

Where would this thing be situated? Is it really just your brain? That’s what I’d like to know. But then, if the thing that thinks is inside your head, it’s not in the middle of you, is it? So perhaps I’d be right in asking what’s at the centre of a person’s head instead.

So now we have tried to go the distance, outwards and inwards. We all deserve a long nap.

Which reminds me, the other thing I don’t understand is dreams.

For instance, how do I know I’m awake, and not dreaming? Or indeed asleep? You only seem to know you’ve been asleep after it’s happened. Maybe when you are awake, you are dreaming, and when you are asleep it’s reality. In which case, everybody’s been mixed up for years.


Yet More Stream of Consciousness Burbling

There should be a pronoun, neither He or She, that refers to God, not as It, but something more respectful. What is God, surprise by joy a floating epiphany in outer space, now we have reached the Moon way up high a hanging face, an old woman who had a stroke, concerned, peers into the face of her dying brother continuously and gives Light, the Lady of the Lamp. But what is it the eternity which we cling to with such avoidance? The river of life a stream a flowing torrent of dreams toppling into an abyss. The angels spread their wings and flew. Adam and Eve, gone to seed, their hearts were in cages sundered until the end of time, she was the key to his. Did Yahweh’s heart ever hurt so? The Big Am I. Big I Am. Bigamy. Adam had another wife before Heva and that’s where the inhumanity generated. No wonder people hated faeries. I Am Who Am. Who am I? Does He even know who He is? God is the “perfect androgyne” and we overestimate Him and belittle the Her. Leonardo da Vinci. Call me Da. Father our Lord who art in Heaven. Heva. Saw a film once where Jesus was doubled up with heartpain for every sin in the world. We overestimate the Creator but ignore the vulnerability of Him. He’s probably got the equivalent of a myocardial infarction by now. Nursed by the Pleiades? But His heart is whole with Hers and we are halves. We don’t see how injured we are together. Trying to find love in an unfriendly world and an empty sky. Eyes shut, awake. Floating along in life without knowing we are alive asleep, dreaming. Born out of Eternity, the only real thing, and we distract ourselves from it, and at the end thrust back into it again, the Sea of Nothing. A sea of God. Without a struggle there’s no life, and we have to find love in the shadowiest corners.
Don’t leave me again.

A Philosophicalophicalophical chat Part II

David: OK. So…if the above is the case, how d’you know when someone is lying to you about knowing something or telling the truth? “What is truth?”

Brian: Truth is the opposite of lies. Stranger than fiction. No matter what, you just can’t make up the truth.

D: Mmm, but how would I know whether you were making it up or not?

B: Little signs in my face, voice, body language would give you a clue, unless you’re a practiced liar. Liars lie in statements, so a question can’t be a lie, can it?

D: Only if it’s an open question. Leading questions aren’t exact lies, but they can suggest lies. My head’s spinning…

B: So is the truth a question?

D: Say that, and you might as well say that all answers are lies!

B: Maybe it depends on who you are. Some answers seem true to others but you might interpret what happened differently.

D: Aha. So what you’re saying is, all that has already been perceived is a lie to some people, while others believe in it. So what has NOT already happened and NOT been perceived, is the truth. The truth is the future? Which is uncertain?

B: Funny thing, I always thought the truth was a certain thing, like a fact.

D: But facts are recorded after things happen, by the people who witnessed it or got told about it. So maybe facts are lies to some people.

B: I’m…so confused…

D: Truth is an uncertainty we all need to find out, because we believe truth is a certainty when in fact it isn’t. It is a lie to say the truth is certain. What a dichotomy.

B: So…um…to find out the truth, you need evidence. But once you perceive evidence, it’s already happened, so it could be a lie?

D: You saying the truth changes into a lie once it’s found?

B: Rather sneaky of the Truth, isn’t it? I don’t trust her anymore!

D: Calm down. We perceive as individuals, and individuals have opinions. Opinions differ. That’s all there really is to it. If you want to get the truth, just for your own peace of mind, go and find it yourself. So long as you believe it, that’s all that matters.

B: Until someone else proves it wrong.

D: (sighs) Let’s just go get some ice cream, yeah?

A Philosolophicalophical chat

Brian: How can doubting your own existence prove that you exist?

David: Define “existence.”

B: Being.

D: Define “being.”

B: Um…having shape or form?

D: Ah, but what is shape? What is form?

B: Forms are what you fill in. So…existence is to be contained?

D: Um…

B: Or…I suppose shape or form is either something that’s grown or something that’s cut. “Milk is a drink made from grass” – er, but with a cow in the middle.

D: But when you stop perceiving something, does it still exist?

B: You’re asking me…that if I saw something…then went into another room, it wouldn’t be there anymore or not? Depends if it had legs. Or if I was the only person in the house…though I guess if I went into another room, and fell asleep, and forgot to lock the door beforehand, someone could just waltz in and take it.

D: Er…?

B: Though, how would the burglar know what I was perceiving before I fell asleep?…Unless he was spying on me through a window. But then, if the burglar was perceiving me, how’d he know I existed when he went to the front door?

D: Ehm…

B: And what if I died in my sleep? Eh? Eh? EH?

D: This is getting a bit unhinged…

B: Oh no, the door’s got hinges. If it had no hinges, the burglar would perceive me again and the experiment wouldn’t work.

D: AHEM. To get back on topic, what about this: Can something exist BEFORE you perceive it?

B: Before I know about it? Oh, yes. I find out about things I’ve never known in my life everyday. But I can never say what I don’t know, before I know it, because if I were able to tell you what I didn’t know, then I’d know it and wouldn’t be telling you the truth, y’know?